I just wanted people to like me, but I didn’t realize I’d end up hating myself in the pursuit of that.

I used to call myself a "chamelion" because I could fit in with everyone. My goal for every interaction was for the other person to leave with feelings of "I really liked her, she's so kind and helpful."

I wish someone would have told me that I was trading people liking me for me hating myself. 

I thought moving across the country would help me feel happier... I did like the Arizona weather more than the Michigan winters, but I still felt "off."

Fast-forward to the fall of 2018... I was 27 and decided to start stripping away all the things I was using to make myself fit in. 

First, I stopped shaving my body hair- I needed to know if I was shaving for myself, or as a performance for others.

Next, I shaved off the hair on my head. I lost 5lbs of hair that day- yes, I weighed it. LOL!

Then, I stopped wearing makeup... Who was I if nobody was gushing over how conventionally attractive I am?

What I learned: We don't have to go to the extremes of shaving off our hair, or removing everything in our life in order to find what is there by choice vs. what is there by performance.

Instead, we need to start asking ourselves new questions. Questions we have never thought about. 

Most people don't even realize they're being performative... I sure didn't.

During my talks, I help audiences see where they are acting in order to be likable, and then learn how to shift those actions/behaviors so they can learn what it's like to be them. 

The real them. 

Not the person they were taught to be.